Yes.  I will call you Starbucks Thief because there is no way this was your first time stealing a purse.  

You were smart enough to sit away from the security camera’s reach.  But, I was smart to sit against the wall with my purse over my chair, protecting it with my arm against the wall.  You truly shined though, when you asked me to pass you your power-cord, as that was the only 6 seconds I was not touching my bag.  I am unsure whether you acted alone or someone sneakily came up behind me while you distracted me with your ugly mustache.  Either way you win, you managed to steal my Longchamp purse, which I highly doubt will look good on you, although if I had to guess you probably just stuffed it into that duffel you had with you.  I hope you are enjoying my Ray Bans, while I am being exposed to the strong sun.  I do not need wrinkles, you will pay for me to take care of that one day, that is if I find your sorry ass.  And I will, don’t you worry.  You may think you got away with $900 at Target (twice), a ton of metro cards and McDonald’s (was that you testing out my card)?  I moved just as fast as you did, I cancelled all my cards, printed out all my statements and took all that paperwork with me to the police station where I filed a report and met with a detective.  And yes, I am so sorry you were declined your purchases on some of my cards, they called me to check your outrageous purchases, I told them you were a thief.  

While this all seems annoying and it was, and frustrating and draining, I am most upset about the wallet you stole.  That was my one year anniversary gift and I am not happy.  It’s crazy how when something like this happens, that turns your life upside down-we all know how much crap is in a woman’s purse, that the thing that bothers me most is the sentimental gift from my husband that I will never get back.  

I will find you,

L

P.S Starbucks on 52nd btw Lex and 3rd