In case your eye sight sucks this reads, “Tuna Fart Hold the Mayo,” you know cuz that makes total sense.

Can someone please explain the phenomenom of the rainbow bagel?

Apparently that’s all I’m worth, 5 dollars.  Well, at least to the guy in the Cadillac who offered me a measly 5 dollars for sexual favors. 

I wanted to whip my hair back and yell that I couldn’t even buy a cup of coffee at Starbucks for that, but then he let everyone in earshot know I have hot legs, which I’m guessing that was all he could see with my winter coat on.

Just another Tuesday with Liz.

Guys, can we talk about Suri’s $850 Ferragamo purse.  Like seriously? 

The kids barely up to my knees and shes crawling walking around with a Ferragamo purse, is this a joke?  I don’t even own an $850 purse and if I did I would loose it or get it dirty.

I’m not sure if I am completely appalled or if I am vehemently jealous?

Well folks,

It took me until 11 AM this morning to realize my shirt is on backwards.

Must be the lack of coffee.